Archive for July, 2008

Rights of way

Monday, July 28th, 2008

   As you all know, I live in a “vacation destination”. Quit chuckling, technically East Jordan is a destination. They come here of their own volition to: enjoy the scenery, fish,swim, and boat upon the waters, and most importantly, to spend money. Of that I am very gratefull, and enjoy their return each and every summer.

   That said however, how they act here is a whole different thing. If they treat each other as poorly as they do the populus here, it’s no wonder road rage is a common occurance down-state.

   Yesterday, Mark took his kayak, and I with a girlfriend in her canoe, down the Jordan River for a nice leasurely ride. The current was fresh, but not rampent as we paddled down the river. Every once in a while, we’d come across groups of people as they enjoyed their day, riding in canoes, kayaks and inner tubes. Most of these fudgies would move off to one side or the other as I announced that I was going to pass them either on the right, or left. I’d wait until there was an open section of river, so as not to cause discomfort or injury, until we came upon a pair of yahoo’s. It was a Mr. and Mrs. from the looks of it, and the Mr., took it upon himself to inforce the laws of navigation.

   In open water, the sail boat has the right-of-way over a powered craft, a small craft has the same advantage over a larger one, etc. I was thinking of these things as we pulled up behind these two rectal orfices, when I noticed that the Mr. was back peddleing, intentionally pressing the issue. He said, “You’ll have to wait awhile, I have no paddles” and I told him, “You may have the right of way, but I’m a crazy motherfucker and I love running you assholes over” and headed straight at him. He had moved far enough over when I went by, so I didn’t dunk him, but I did give him a good baptism with the paddle.

   Be forwarned fudgies, I’m not real impressed with your behavoir and from this day forward, your rights of way will no longer be observed. I’ve been too nice a guy for too long and the party’s over.

   Bon Voyage

Fishing Report 07/22/08

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

   I was given the opportunity to do some fishing on the north side of Lake Charlevoix yesterday, and my luck’s improved. With water temperatures rising to 70.3º and the ambient air temperature the same, the rains did little to hinder one of my lifes ambitions.

   Doug and I trolled, jigged, and casted with the end result of me outfishing Doug by 2 to nothing. I used a Michigan rigged hook’nworm, while Doug preferred the trusty ole Jig’n'grub, but today, it let him down.

   My first catch was a beautful, golden hued Smallmouth Bass, which put up a fight; twice that of a comparable Largemouth, but not nearly as that of my second catch. I was using a 9 1/2′ steelhead rod, which isn’t the correct tool for the job, but me an’ ole Dick go back a long way. (Dick is my fishrod, and I call my reel: Balls) One ain’t any good without the other. Anyway, the next fish had my Dick bent over double, and my Balls was protesting, but I’m an accomplished fuc..er, I mean fisherman, and was able to manipulate it to a fine and satisfying climax. That’s what I like about Fresh-water Drum; they put up a good fight, but in the end, it ends up right at the end of my Dick.

Seasonal Changes, 13 July ‘08

Sunday, July 13th, 2008

   On the way out to Dougs this morning, I saw that same swamp maple mentioned in this column last year, and I think the year before that. Two years ago, last year, and now, now, it’s turning to a crimson red. It’s almost as if the tree lives on the same schedule as department stores. Kids are still happy they’re not in school and the stores start their “Back to School Specials” If I didn’t love September so much, I’d be pissed now, and it won’t be long before the two-a-days start kids. Enjoy what you have left.

A comment about entry; “Global warming my achin’ ass”

Saturday, July 12th, 2008

   I was going to add this to the original writing but decided to do it this way. I don’t think a whole lotta people dig through the archives and see what’s new.

 

Yeah, that’s right! The earth is cooling while world wide carbon emissions are the highest in history. North polar ice cap larger than last year. Antarctic ice continually on the increase.
Please pass this on to any of those man-made global warming alarmists and hoaxers that you know.

Want ads

Friday, July 11th, 2008

   I just got this email from Butch, and I thought the best thing to do, would be to post it here. I can attest to the items for sale, and especially the 62A. It would take some very tough times to get Butch to part with that little .22, but they are upon us.

Date:  
From:  
Subject:  
To:  
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:25:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: Send an Instant Message ”Carl Kamradt”   View Contact Details  View Contact Details   Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: Rifles
To:  
 

Hi Guys, 

         I am in need of some money.  I am willing to sell my Winchester M70 .375 H&H.  It now wears a AA Fancy Grade Turkish Walnut stock but I have the plastic stock that came with it.  The rifle is Stainless Steel and comes with a 1-4.5X Simmons variable in Talley QD rings.  Factory irons attached.

         The second rifle is my very first rifle, a Winchester M62A in .22 S-L-LR.  It was made in the 50’s.  Condition is 98%.  Some slight hammer wear on the sides.  Bluing is perfect, as is the wood.

          If you guys know of anyone who might be interested in purchasing one or both, please, let me know.  Marge and I could sure use a boost about now.

                                   Thanks,

                                     Butch

Carl L. Kamradt, HMFIC
Life is hard.  It’s even harder if you’re stupid.


 

“Battle stations, battle stations, all hands man your battle stations…

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

….Set condition Zebra throughout the ship”

   When you hear that in the movies, there’ll be guys running up and down ladders, through the knee knockers and everyone putting on helmets. I only saw that happen once; my brother Butch and I were standing on the ASROC deck and watched a MIG do a victory roll as it passed our port side, from aft to fore. Right after that, general quarters was sounded and there were people running everywhere, and I along with them. I didn’t have far to go, Radio Central was up two levels on the ladder and then in through a hatch.

   Immediatly to your right, is the door entering into Butch’s working compartment. He ran the computer that operated the Tatar Missle System, Port side launcher. Moving to the left, led you down a passageway forward, to the ladder that ran up and down the center of the superstructure, from the Main deck, to the Captain’s bridge. Taking that ladder up one deck, brings you to Communications. Immediatly to your front was the sewing room for the signals bridge, your left was Radio Central and following the passage way aft, was MainComm. From that point on, only authorized personel were allowed to pass.

   That meant that any time the M.A.A. (Master At Arms, the ships police) was after your ass, you could run up to MainComm and lose him. It also meant that any time my brother was hot on my ass, I’d run up to Maincomm and laugh at him. We could get food transported up to us, they couldn’t. It also meant that when they “Extinguished the smoking lamp” it was shining bright in MainComm. You could count on seeing all the ships echelon parading through MainComm, “just to see how things were coming”. There wasn’t any officers under Commander that stood around a buttkit and shot the shit with each other, during these operations. Down below, there’s guys loading enough fireworks to level the Eastern seaboard, all the way back to Memphis, but I didn’t feel guilty for lighting up another one.

   My combat duty station was in Radio Central, which was nice, since that was my normal job. I had two duty stations at times of combat; one in Central, and the other in my rack. Communications went to war when we pulled out of Norfolk, so other than having to wear a heavy helmet and cover another 5 circuits, it was just another day at work. It’s not until you hear the bosn’ announce “This is not a drill” that the sphincter begin’s to twitch.

   I got my ass up to Central as fast as I could and relieved Underdog, aka Dan Raustadt, of his duties, and put on the helmet with the soundpowered phones. I was connected to the Captain’s bridge, the Admiral’s bridge, CIC, Damage Control Central, and Radio spaces 1 through 5. Immediatly after donning the phones, you listen for a clear spot in conversations, and announce your space is manned and ready. Then you sit and wait.

   It’s not like on t.v. where a coupla guys’ll shoot the bull, with their helmets cocked back and having cigarette ash’s falling on their dirty t shirts. No, you sit there and remember all the messages you’ve been reading; all the planes being blown up by Palistinians and some A-rab named Yassar Arafat, doing his best to light up Tel Aviv. You remember hearing the Admirals talking across the hall in Crypto, about how long it’ll take to level Cairo. (These guys musta been talking about something big, ’cause it was going to take 6 minutes and it would all be over). You think about your brother, one deck below and a few frames aft; either franticly trying to get the fucker to work, or chugging coffee and talking about Moose hunting. You look around the compartment and see the K-Y8 nestled in the corner and the long row of patch switches that connect every receiver and coresponding remote position throughout the ship. Off to your left is the patch panel that connects every transmitter on the ship to it’s remote operating positions. Then you look at the bulkhead, which is 1″ aluminum plate, and what a simple .50 caliber machine gun round could do to it.

   I listened to Pritac (Primary Tactical 121.5) and Sectac (Secondary Tactical 281.9) for aircraft communications, and then through a few more I don’t remember the frequencies to, but there wasn’t anything going on. I also monitored International Distress (500khz), and there was usually morse code messages being passed from frieghter to frieghter, but this time, there wasn’t even that. Another circuit I monitored was CINCUSNAVEUR’S HICOM, which at the time was in the H.F. range, (2-32khz). These frequencies, and the method they were used, were often rife with static bursts, whistles, and all sorts of strange noises. This time it was as quiet as a church.

   All night we cruised through the high rolling seas, everything lit with dark red bulbs, some watching gauges, some franticly trying to get the Mark 1 working again, some cooking our next meal, and one staring at the speakers, wondering what was going to happen next.

Global warming my achin’ ass

Friday, July 4th, 2008

   Today is the Fourth of July, and as the saying goes, the corn should be knee high, the lawns should be a nice golden brown, and the various spring hatch’s of the aquatic insects should be long over. The low last night should have been in the 60’s and it’s 44º right now.

   The corn is shin high, I cut my lawn two days ago but you can’t tell, the streets are ankle deep in dead Mayflies, and I’m almost tempted to turn the furnace on.

   Al Gore is full of Bovine Excrement and I don’t give a rip what the UN thinks of the asshole. It amazes me sometimes how much crap the public believes when it’s told to them on t.v..

   I could go on, but I have to dig the snow shovel out of the friggin’ garage. Have fun everyone, I gotta go start up the snowblower.

Fishing Report

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

   Doug and I went fishing over to Ellsworth Lake Sunday, and we kept 22 bluegill out of 100 caught, along with 5 bass and 1 painted turtle. The bass ranged from 5″ to 5# (smallmouth) and the turtle prolly ’bout 2#. We had fished that lake all week and hadn’t caught anything over 3″ long and then on Sunday, everything was hungry. I also caught the turtle, myself, later, and the third time, he came up and checked to see if it was us again.

   The water temperature had started at 71, and by 4pm it was 76, which may account for the increased appatite. I’d disclose the spots we used, but I don’t think it would have mattered where we fished, or what we used to catch ‘em.